Schoprah’s note: Tonight is really President Obama’s night to speak about the tragedy in Tucson. I’m watching his speech as we blerg and it’s pretty moving and pitch-perfect. Here’s hoping that Chocolate Valium’s memorial puts our national discourse—if it’s possible to have one—on a more peaceful path and dulls the shrill of our more polarizing media circus freaks. Sarah Palin’s “blood libel” speech is irrelevant and doesn’t warrant the attention, but Longtime and I had already hatched an entire goddamn screenplay mocking it this afternoon, before I knew President Valium would be speaking tonight. And my grief always takes the form of Best In Show, so it’s without further ado that I present to you another imagined conversation between Cookie Fleck and Sarah Palin in Longtime and my series:
Gerry: I can’t believe we have to drive 3,000 miles out of our way to Universal Studios just to see your cousin in Wasilla.
Cookie: Gerry, come on. She asked us to visit. And she has a show. On basic cable. This could be Winky’s big break. He could get a walk-on.
[Their van pulls into the Palin driveway. Cookie, holding Winky, and Gerry exit the car and walk to the front door.]