I know what I’ll be doing. Schoprah will either be a) crocheting a Lady Gaga slipcover while nursing a Whisktea and freebasing Afrin alone in her room, or b) schlepping all over Blergistan in uncomfortable shoes with a forty in her purse, looking for a nice clean alpha-male to forcibly kiss at midnight but ending up at a gay man’s house party, where she will down said forty in said man’s bathroom while going through his medicine cabinet. It’s a coin toss.
A few programming aplologies. I just returned to Blergistan from a 10-day visit with the family. My younger brother just installed a new wireless router, and mistaking our home for the White House or a Scientology compound, coded the passwords so deeply and with so many characters no one in my family could remember them. That’s right, I said wordsuh. There were three layers of passwords, one of which is 40 characters long—caps sensitive. Also, as soon as I arrived in Real America I came down with a kind of a stomach flu complete with a high fever and the inability to consume beef tenderloin and snickerdoodles at my preferred pace. Clearly my Liberal Career Girl immune system is weak and unprepared for germ warfare. (COUGH JANET NAPOLITANO HATERS COUGH.) And if you missed me, which clearly you did by the number of comments, I’m baaack.
I bid you fond and safe travels this New Blerg’s Eve and a happy start to 2010. Only four more months until Glee starts back up again…