A Birthday Tribute to Smellen

Happy birthday to f.o.b. and guest blogga SMELLEN!

Dog Birthday Corbis ValuPak 11554691

May all of your wildest birthday wishes come true today, gal.

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Smellen “the felon” is not only brilliant, hilarious and an enormously talented artist, but she is also just a lovely human being, inside and out. Love you like a sister, Smellsy, all year long too, not just on your birfday!

Smells and I have been friends for a long effing time – since preschool! I’ve had the distinct pleasure of celebrating well over 20 birthdays with her over the years as we flattened a path through the woods between our houses while perfecting the slumber party. I gave her chicken pox, she taught me about the wonders of grilled-cheese makers and together we dreamed about one day having boobs (now I laugh, ahahaha).

I remember one slumber party in particular where we used a Ouija board to “communicate” with the deceased cousin of an alleged new kid in school. He “told” us that he died in an unfortunate accident. Virhin was his name! We were so bewildered by the spelling of his name – how unusual it was, how MYSTERIOUS! Was it Turkish? Scandinavian? I have recently begun to suspect that the name was so unusual because…it wasn’t real. NO. Not possible. I swear I wasn’t pushing the arrow but it’s possible that Sarah Longworth was. We may never know! Man, I only wish I was as cool now as we were back then.

Using Ouija Board — Image by © Bettmann/CORBIS

I hope this birthday is even more fun than that one was and wish I could be there to celebrate with you. Treat yourself to a cupcake with sprinkles!

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Happy birthday to f.o.b. and guest blogga SMELLEN!

Dog Birthday Corbis ValuPak 11554691

May all of your wildest birthday wishes come true today, gal.

43101430

Smellen “the felon” is not only brilliant, hilarious and an enormously talented artist, but she is also just a lovely human being, inside and out. Love you like a sister, Smellsy, all year long too, not just on your birfday!

Smells and I have been friends for a long effing time – since preschool! I’ve had the distinct pleasure of celebrating well over 20 birthdays with her over the years as we flattened a path through the woods between our houses while perfecting the slumber party. I gave her chicken pox, she taught me about the wonders of grilled-cheese makers and together we dreamed about one day having boobs (now I laugh, ahahaha).

I remember one slumber party in particular where we used a Ouija board to “communicate” with the deceased cousin of an alleged new kid in school. He “told” us that he died in an unfortunate accident. Virhin was his name! We were so bewildered by the spelling of his name – how unusual it was, how MYSTERIOUS! Was it Turkish? Scandinavian? I have recently begun to suspect that the name was so unusual because…it wasn’t real. NO. Not possible. I swear I wasn’t pushing the arrow but it’s possible that Sarah Longworth was. We may never know! Man, I only wish I was as cool now as we were back then.

Using Ouija Board — Image by © Bettmann/CORBIS

I hope this birthday is even more fun than that one was and wish I could be there to celebrate with you. Treat yourself to a cupcake with sprinkles!

smellen2

From a fake Boricua to a real one: Felicidades!

In addition to being a wannabe Yid, I’m also a wannabe Puertoriquena. (In high school, I tried to convince a guy I was one-quarter Puerto Rican—my father’s mother—because I thought it would endear me to him. It failed.) So you can imagine my thrill when Sonia Sotomayor was officially confirmed as the first Boricua and the third mujer to the highest court in the land. There is lots of hometown pride here in New York, where there is a large Boricua population. Not to mention there’s the famous Puerto Rican Day parade every summer in my neighborhood where I always manage to get a free pork sandwich and a marriage proposal. (Also free.)

All this talk of the law and milestones and pioneers got Longtime and I discussing via G-Chat a serious issue Sonia Sotomayor will face: how is she going to accesorize her robe? Luckily, we figured it out. Here are Longtime and my thoughts on how you tackle that scary black sack:

1. It’s actually a very practical frock. You can hide snacks underneath it during long court sessions. Put some Jujyfruits and a Red Bull in there and call it a day.

2. Another plus: it hides stains well. Think of the money you’ll save on dry cleaning.

3. Longtime says she would go commando underneath. She likes that kind of thing. It’s like not wearing underwear in church, I suppose. I prefer undies, but if it’s hot out, I guess the robe will work in your favor here—just avoid subway grates.

4. I, on the other hand, would use the robe to hide squirt guns to shoot Clarence Thomas in the eye. Just a thought.

5. You can also fit a Kindle in there. Catch up on your Norah Roberts while some lawyer rambles on and on about mens rea.

6. Longtime pointed out that the robe is essentially judicial fat pants. No more worries about what to wear on your heavy days!

7. No one will be checking out your rack in that thing. Except Scalia. He’s a creep.

8. No one will mistake you for being in the KKK.

9. You don’t have to worry about charging bulls.

10. It’s the perfect platform to display scarves. It’s time to bring back the 80’s Career Woman Scarf! Here’s an instructional video to show you how to tie the perfect French Knot

In addition to being a wannabe Yid, I’m also a wannabe Puertoriquena. (In high school, I tried to convince a guy I was one-quarter Puerto Rican—my father’s mother—because I thought it would endear me to him. It failed.) So you can imagine my thrill when Sonia Sotomayor was officially confirmed as the first Boricua and the third mujer to the highest court in the land. There is lots of hometown pride here in New York, where there is a large Boricua population. Not to mention there’s the famous Puerto Rican Day parade every summer in my neighborhood where I always manage to get a free pork sandwich and a marriage proposal. (Also free.)

All this talk of the law and milestones and pioneers got Longtime and I discussing via G-Chat a serious issue Sonia Sotomayor will face: how is she going to accesorize her robe? Luckily, we figured it out. Here are Longtime and my thoughts on how you tackle that scary black sack:

1. It’s actually a very practical frock. You can hide snacks underneath it during long court sessions. Put some Jujyfruits and a Red Bull in there and call it a day.

2. Another plus: it hides stains well. Think of the money you’ll save on dry cleaning.

3. Longtime says she would go commando underneath. She likes that kind of thing. It’s like not wearing underwear in church, I suppose. I prefer undies, but if it’s hot out, I guess the robe will work in your favor here—just avoid subway grates.

4. I, on the other hand, would use the robe to hide squirt guns to shoot Clarence Thomas in the eye. Just a thought.

5. You can also fit a Kindle in there. Catch up on your Norah Roberts while some lawyer rambles on and on about mens rea.

6. Longtime pointed out that the robe is essentially judicial fat pants. No more worries about what to wear on your heavy days!

7. No one will be checking out your rack in that thing. Except Scalia. He’s a creep.

8. No one will mistake you for being in the KKK.

9. You don’t have to worry about charging bulls.

10. It’s the perfect platform to display scarves. It’s time to bring back the 80’s Career Woman Scarf! Here’s an instructional video to show you how to tie the perfect French Knot